


Poker Face

by Roucarnage



Category: Naruto
Genre: AU, Everyone has Accents, F/M, Genderbending, Headcanon, Lemon, NSFW, One Shot, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Out of Character, PWP, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Smut, Sorry Not Sorry, Vaginal Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-21
Updated: 2020-06-21
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:28:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24833848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Roucarnage/pseuds/Roucarnage
Summary: It’s poker night for the Akatsuki members and Hidan purposes dares to make things interesting. It’s all fun and games, until dares get out of hand and things get a little too hot and heavy.
Relationships: Sasori/Deidara, Sasori/fem!Deidara
Comments: 2
Kudos: 49





	Poker Face

**Author's Note:**

> It has been awhile since I've written a Saso/Dei fic. I'm trying to cycle pairings so I'm not going stale. I think I may be overdue for a Kaku/Hi fic. Hmm. Welp, enjoy this one, in the meantime!
> 
> P.S. Idk how poker works, I literally had to watch videos and read how to play to kinda-sorta-not-really understand it. I'm sorry to any professional poker players out there.

In the first time in what must’ve been a year, all the Akatsuki had the rare day off. To capitalize on this rarest of occasions, it was decided everyone get together for a card game—poker, to be precise. So, that night, everyone gathered around the table of booze and cards. It was Kisame and Itachi, Sasori and Deidara, while Hidan was by herself as Kakuzu had no interest in “marrymaking” as he put it. Whatever, no one wanted a Debbie Downer playing with them anyway.

Everyone’s favoured heavy liquor was passed around and Kisame was handed the cards to shuffle, as he was the only person that knew how to do it, then he gave them to Itachi who was dealer as she didn’t know how to play poker. Before she could pass out hands though, Hidan interrupted with one of her half-baked ideas like she always did.

“Oi, why don’t we make this interestin’?” She inquired, her Yugakure accent giving the impression she was already drunk. “I’m thinkin’…strip poker!” There was a collective groan of disapproval.

“No offense, Ms. Hidan, but I think you’re the only one that likes having her breasts out.” Kisame commented, glancing over the albino who, as always, was shirtless—no bra included. Though that was old news, and no one acknowledged it anymore.

Hidan huffed. “Y’all are borin’! Fine, what ‘bout…truth er dare? No, dare! Dare! Everytime someone wins a hand, ya git to dare someone else! Ey? _Ey?_ ” She eagerly stared at the others for feedback.

“I don’t care, hn.” Deidara muttered, sampling her sake. Sasori shrugged with a disinterested grunt to ditto her.

“As long as it is nothing objectionable.” Itachi said with Kisame nodding in agreement.

“Tch, fine, fine! Pussies.” Hidan muttered, taking a gulp of her merlot.

That said, Itachi passed out everyone’s hands and the game of Texas hold ‘em began.

The first session was uneventful in the beginning. Deidara folded immediately while everyone else called. Hidan then tried bluffing Kisame and Sasori by betting half her chips. Well, that backfired as Kisame had a winning hand of a king and ten to the five-card flop.

“This is bullshit!” Hidan exclaimed, begrudgingly pushing half her currency in Kisame’s direction.

“Hey, I wasn’t the one to tell you bluffing half your chips was a grand idea, Ms. Hidan.” Kisame said, accepting the winnings and taking to organizing them with his own chips.

“Yer cheatin’!”

“How was it I cheated?”

“Pink Eye is helpin’ ya!” She implicated, pointing at his partner.

Before Itachi could defend herself, Sasori asserted himself in this petty squabbling. “Itachi ain’t the one shufflen an’ she’s on the other side of the table of Kisame. She isn’t helpen him cheat; you’re just shite at this game.”

Hidan narrowed her pink orbs at him then next jabbed her finger at him. “Yer cheatin’!”

Sasori piqued a red eyebrow back at her. “An’ how the fuck am I cheaten now?”

“’Cause yer defendin’ Fishstick fer cheatin’!”

“No, I ain’t an’ it ain’t.”

“Yes, it is!”

“If I’m cheaten ‘cause of that, then so are you ‘cause your tits are out.” He ushered at her bare chest with a disgusted expression. “Put on a fucken shirt.”

“Physically, yes, I could put on a shirt, but emotionally? Imagine the toll.” Hidan answered with the upmost exaggeration as if he had asked her to kill a puppy. Sasori just sighed, waving her off. He couldn’t understand how Kakuzu tolerated her. He himself could barely tolerate Deidara and she was like diet-Hidan.

Kisame interrupted the spat. “So…I won, so I get first dare?” Hidan just approved with a grunt. “Then, Ms. Itachi, why don’t you give this a try?” He turned and passed his glass to his confused partner.

“Oh, Kisame, I cannot drink, you know that.” Itachi said, trying to hand it back. 

“Just a taste? I don’t think a little rum is going to interfere with your medicine.” He insisted. “You’ve never had alcohol so just try it.”

“I…well…”

“It’s a dare, do it!” Hidan egged her on, punching her fists on the table, rattling glasses and plastic chips alike.

After a second, Itachi gave up, taking a tentative taste and everyone laughed as she immediately jerked her head back and sputtered with her face twisted into a grimace. She had to wash the burning flavour off her tastebuds by chugging her green tea. After she got up to make herself a new cup, they began the next game. 

Again, Deidara folded, grumbling as she threw her cards down and slurping at her sake. Kisame did so the next round, leaving Sasori and Hidan. Again, Hidan tried bluffing the puppeteer by betting excessively but Sasori wasn’t impressed. Especially, when he threw down his cards—four of a kind. Hidan lost her shit.

“Cheater!” She bellowed like a bull seeing red, making everyone, except Deidara, flinch.

“Not a cheater. Like I said, you’re just shite at this game. I won so go put on a fucken shirt.” Sasori jabbed his thumb over his shoulder.

“I’mma git you back!” Hidan pledged as she pushed herself from the table and stalked off to their bedroom. She came back a minute later, wearing a shirt that not only was backwards, but inside out. At least no one was having their eyes poked out by her nipples anymore.

“Baby.”

“Dafuq you say?” Hidan barked at Deidara and glared at the blonde, having caught her little insult.

Deidara glared back. “Baby!” She said, emphasizing it by sucking her thumb as if Hidan was the deaf one of them.

“Fuck you, bitch!”

“Ladies.” Kisame intercepted the two women before this fight turned into a murder. “Let’s calm down and play, ok?” Hidan huffed while Deidara switched off her hearing aids so she didn’t have to listen to the albino’s banshee screaming.

The night and game went on. Deidara kept getting bad hands, Sasori was trying to get drunk, Hidan was having a meltdown everytime she didn’t win and Kisame was teaching Itachi how to shuffle between games, so she wasn’t accused of helping him cheat. Then finally, after four games, Hidan won and celebrated like she had just won the lottery. In reality, it was one-hundred dollars in chips.

“Yesss! Yes!” She cheered, standing up and gifting everyone the bird. “Suck it!”

“Congratulations, Ms. Hidan.” Kisame said politely.

“Oh, you are so fuckin’ fucked!” Hidan told Sasori with her trademark shit-eating grin which just made the man turnover his chocolate coloured eyes. “I’m gonna dare you so fuckin’ hard!”

“Just get it over with so we can get back to the game.” Sasori muttered, tossing back his whiskey then making himself a new glass—he was going to need it.

Humming, Hidan stared hard at him and tapped her finger on her chin while her drunken braincells—all ten of them—to think of the perfect dare for the stick-in-the-mud redhead. She wanted to emotionally hurt him like he did her by making her wear a shirt, a hurt that would last the night. It was then she noticed Deidara, and remembering her blasphemy against the Jashinist, an evil, sinister smile spread across her pale face as she had an idea, a terrible, horrible idea. 

Deidara, meanwhile, was oblivious to her impending fate as she calmly savoured her sake, the devices installed in her ears to counter her deafness still turned off. Kisame nudged the teenager, getting her attention and she noticed Hidan’s gaze and devilish grin directed at her. She turned her hearing back on and stared back.

“Oh, Blondieee,” Hidan sang and thrusted her finger at the other woman. “I won so I’mma dare you!”

“Whatever.” Deidara uttered, obviously not taking her threat of a “dare” too seriously. Afterall, what was the worst she could do?

“Oh, whateva? _Whateva?_ Well whateva, but I dare ya…to sit yer ass on Blue’s lap…fer the rest’a the night!” Cue the villainous laughter which wasn’t so much villainous as it was like a rooster having an asthma attack.

Immediately, Deidara’s face bleached, white as a sheet, while Sasori’s reaction was to down his whiskey in one gulp and stare at the empty glass. Nope, he wasn’t drunk enough for this shit, he thought as he poured himself a new one. Hidan knew Deidara had a puppy love crush on Sasori while Sasori, by all intents and purposes, hated Deidara given their opposing artistic viewpoints. So, the albino was getting them both back for the price of one! She was a genius.

“I-I’m not doing that, hn!” Deidara scrambled, glancing at Sasori and grasping the underneath of her seat like she expected to be pried off it.

“Too bad! It’sa dare so ya hafta do it!”

“The Uchiha said nothing objectionable, hn!”

“This ain’t objectionable. Ain’t like I’m tellin’ ya to fuck er nothin’.”

“T-That’s disgusting and I’m not doing it, hn!”

“You hafta do it!”

“No.”

“Yes!”

“Nu-huh.”

“Yeah-huh!”

“God, shut up!” Sasori bellowed at the two females, slamming his newly emptied glass on the table which somehow didn’t shatter into a million pieces, and making everyone flinch, especially Deidara as he turned to glare at her. “Just do it, brat.”

“I-I…but…” She attempted to say only to be interrupted by her partner grabbing her arm, hard. She yelped as it was then used to drag her onto his lap. He was even generous to relocate her sake with her. Lord knows she was going to need it.

Deidara’s face went from ghastly white to blood red as she trembled like a leaf in the senior’s lap while Hidan hooted and hollered with laughter until her face was wet with tears and redder than that of the younger artist. Sasori went back to his alcohol abuse. It took a series of uncomfortable minutes, but Hidan hadn’t managed to laugh herself to death and Sasori hadn’t yet snapped Deidara over his knee. Deidara, on the other hand, still looked petrified and on the edge of blacking out. So, they went back to the game though it was considerably less happy-go-lucky as it once was. Itachi passed out the cards after successfully shuffling them herself.

“Don’t look at my cards.” Sasori lectured Deidara as he caught his cards since their current arrangement made it easy for them to see the other’s hands.

“I-I’m not. Don’t look at my cards, hn.” She backtalked him like she always did, though instantly regretted it as the man cracked his jaw next to her ear. She grabbed her hand and held the cards to her chest.

Again, it was a shit hand but Deidara was hellbent on winning a game so she could undare herself from the male before he made her insides into outsides. So, she bluffed her way, upping her bet to try and get everyone else to fold and in her desperation, was pulling a Hidan. It was unsuccessful as Kisame came out with a winning hand and she had to give up half her winnings, much to her frustration. She threw herself back in tantrum and Sasori grunted as she bumped into his chest. He grasped her thigh and squeezed to cease her thrashing, likely leaving bruises in the process. Deidara got the message and sat up, statue-like.

Another game, another loss and it was then Deidara realized Sasori had yet to remove his hand from her thigh where it did not belong. She didn’t want to tell him to move it and bring everyone else’s attention to it, so she clinched it between her thighs, hoping he’d notice and move it himself. Maybe it was the five whiskeys, or maybe he wanted to fuck with her, but whatever it was, he didn’t move it. Instead, he squeezed her again. It wasn’t a threat like it was before so much as it was—a grope? Whatever it was, it made Deidara squeak which must’ve encouraged him because Sasori rumbled in her ear. She tried turning her head to glare at him but couldn’t manage the angle. So, she went back to focusing on the game and her sake. Except, it didn’t stop there, oh no.

Sasori had taken to massaging her thigh with his hand traveling up her leg, inch by inch. Deidara was struggling to ignore him and keep up her poker face since for once, she had a good hand, but it was impossible. Especially, when his hand ran out of the length of her leg and he didn’t stop there. He planted his hand between the junction of her legs and _rubbed_ her there. See, Deidara was only wearing pajama pants, the fabric of which was thin, so she felt _everything_. She gasped out loud, making everyone else stare at her and she slapped a hand over her mouth, face crimson.

Kisame chuckled. “Got yourself a winning hand, Ms. Deidara?” Deidara said nothing, just shrank in attempt to make herself disappear.

It wasn’t a winning hand, unfortunately. More unfortunate was the fact that Hidan won and she decided she wasn’t done fucking with people. So, she dared Kisame and Itachi to kiss. It was common knowledge the two had a thing for the other anyway, though they both denied it. So, while there was the distraction of the sharkman and Uchiha saying and doing everything in the book to deny said kiss, Deidara saw her chance.

She grabbed her partner’s hand and pulled it to get it off her, though gingerly given his cussedness. Sasori, sensing her hesitation, didn’t budge and took to rubbing her harder and purposely. At this point, she could’ve just gotten off his lap, but she wasn’t thinking the straightest at that moment as teenage hormones took over. She leant back against him, breathing hard through her nose and chewing her lips so she didn’t make any incriminating noises that would bring focus onto them. Her hand remained on his but instead of trying to pry it off, she was pushing it harder against her, guiding him where exactly to knead her which he obliged.

Finally, after much egging from Hidan, Kisame and Itachi had the kiss which quickly turned into a make out session. It was a manner of minutes until they pulled themselves off each other, blushing and embarrassed. During that time, Sasori had managed to edge Deidara close to an orgasm but when spying the show was over, pulled his hand off her and placed it on her knee. His face fell back into its default poker face so none was the wiser to the "dealings" under the table. Deidara, who had been lost in a pleasure-induced trance, was jerked back to the real world at the denial of her climax and whined, nudging his hand to finish her. He just grunted and ushered with his head before taking a swallow of his booze. It was then she too saw that Kisame and Itachi had the kiss over with and so she straightened up, brushing out her disheveled, blonde hair and dabbing the drool from her chin. However, she wasn’t able to mask her burning, red face, something Hidan saw and smirked. 

“Did ya git off on Fishstick an' Pink Eye suckin’ face, Blondie?” She teased the other woman. Deidara didn’t grace her with a reply and just glared as she took to gulping down her sake, ignoring the glass in favour of doing so directly from the bottle.

It didn’t help much though as she wasn’t the happiest camper at the moment as she was left burning inside and out, wet and felt a frustration unlike any other. She wanted to get back at Sasori for pulling such a stunt on her, especially with the knowledge the blonde liked him. What better way but to fight fire with fire? So, she waited until the next game when the redhead was good and occupied to launch her own attack.

Like her, he was dressed down, only wearing sweatpants which enabled easy access. She angled an arm behind her and pushed her hand into his pants. Sasori inhaled sharply through his nose while Deidara smirked, playing it off like she had a winning hand, which she didn’t, again. After a moment of searching, she found her jackpot and the mouth on her palm took to suckling on his flaccid member. It didn’t take long until he was hard and throbbing inside the “throat” of her hand. Whiskey dick he did not have tonight. Sasori leant heavily onto her.

“Brat, you better be plannen on playing that hand.” He whispered in her ear; breathing hard and teeth grated.

“I don’t know, are _you_ going to play your hand, hn?” She countered, fighting the urge to shutter.

He squeezed her knee, burrowing his fingers into flesh. “I never back down from a bet.” Thankfully, neither had to wait too long to “play their hands”.

After two more games, Kisame and Itachi decided to call it a night though it was obvious why that was as they kept glancing at each other with Itachi getting redder each time. Hidan tried talking them out of it, but they just apologized and got up, basically running off to their bedroom. Hidan then turned to Sasori and Deidara.

“Y’all ain’t bailin’ on me too, are ya?” She slurred, definitely wine drunk.

“Yes.” Sasori answered immediately. “My legs are goen numb from the brat’s fat arse.”

Deidara bristled. “Excuse you!” She still had a handle on his male anatomy and gave it a harsh squeeze, causing him to grunt and glare at her.

“Fuck y’all then. I’mma make me own fun…with blackjack an’ hookers!” Then, with half-empty wine bottle in hand, she stumbled off to Jashin-knows-where, leaving Sasori and Deidara by themselves.

“Brat, get off me.” The elder of them huffed. Deidara did so happily and there being a wet popping as she pulled her hand out of his drawers.

However, once she was on her feet, Sasori was on her. She yelped as he pushed her over the table, face pressed into the surface with a hand snarled in her blonde strands. The impact of which sent chips and cards scattering over the table and falling to the floor. His other hand fumbled with her pants, pulling them and her damp underwear down to her knees. He spread open her wet sex with two fingers and she shuttered, biting into her hand.

“Oh no, don’t you think you’re getten outta here without playen your hand like we agreed.” He whispered, nipping at the flesh of her jawline. “Especially when you’re so wet for me.”

“I-I wasn’t…I'm n-not...” She grumbled out, wrestling under him but immediately backing down as he used a wet finger to rub her.

“Good. ‘Cause I plan on collecten my winnens. This is long overdue.” This surprised her since as far as she knew, Sasori had hated her from day one and she had never picked up any sexual frustration from him, especially during their spats. Had she just been oblivious this entire time?

“Y-You aren’t planning on doing it here, are you, hn?”

“What? You don’t get off on the thought of getten caught?” She didn’t have the chance to answer as the next second, he had pulled her back onto his lap and was inside her.

He leant his weight onto her and grunted as he plunged in and out of her, fingertips digging into her thighs while the teenager gasped and scraped her nails on the underneath of the chair, flaking her fresh black manicure in the process.

“D-Da…nna…” She wheezed, trying her damndest to say quiet so not to alert anyone to the fact they were fucking in the living room of all places.

“What is that, brat? I can’t hear you.” Sasori purposely slammed hard into her and smirked as she blared out a moan that could’ve been heard on the other side of the house. While she couldn’t see her glaring at him, he felt it.

He pushed her golden strands out of his face, pulling a few out of his mouth also, and from her neck and ear. Due to her deafness, Deidara possessed an intense sensitivity because of it, a fact he misused as he brushed his nose and lips against her ear, purposely fanning his hot breath on them. She shrank from him with a mewling of, “no, no, no!” which only emboldened the redhead as he went after her, catching and gnawing on her earlobe. This made her moan and tremble, a fact that translated into pleasant vibrations for him and encouraged him to fuck her harder while chewing on her ear.

Suddenly, Deidara was off him. What happened hadn’t immediately registered with Sasori, leaving him humping the empty air for a second too long. Once he noticed but before he could bitch her, however, she was on him again, facing him instead. She moaned as she sunk down onto him and grabbed his face as she smashed her lips into his. He kissed her back, plunging his tongue between her lips to dominate her mouth. She tasted of sake underline by her own sweet flavouring. That could be what spawned her sudden attempt to steal control, a little liquid courage. In the midst of the making out, Sasori snaked a hand under her shirt, kneading her breast and Deidara whimpered into the kiss. She pulled her mouth off his, creating a string of saliva between their lips and panted, face flushed.

“D-Danna…”

He smirked. “You feelen it, brat?” She nodded, biting her bottom lip until bleeding.

That’s all he needed to know as he slammed up into her harder with the girl impaling herself on him in tune with his thrusting, handmouths leaving gnawing on his biceps and head falling back. The puppeteer could feel her getting more and more snug with each passing second as her own pace was became desperate and mangled. To help, he snuck a hand between them, cupping her womanhood. The “foreplay” earlier had left her sensitive and swollen, so she ground into it to get herself off. Sasori kept his other hand parked on her breast to further arouse her.

“If you’re goen to cum, brat, then cum.” He snarled against her neck, snagging the skin between his teeth and littering it with love bites.

“I’m t-trying!” She sobbed, bucking on him harder, faster, so close but yet so far. Sasori decided to give her that last little push over the finish.

Wrapping his arms around her, he hugged her against him, pausing their rhythm in the process. Deidara mumbled a frustrated groan against his chest and gyrated her pelvis to try and make a new movement but was hushed by the elder as he buried his face in her blonde locks and shushed her. After reorganizing her on his lap, he took to hammering inside her again and as he had calculated, he struck her g-spot, dead-on. Due to it, she nearly flew off him she jumped so hard. It took a millisecond for the stupefaction to wear off but once it did, the female took to riding him so fast and frantic it was a surprise the chair didn’t break underneath them. Though, it sounded close as the legs scrapped loudly on the hardwood flooring. It was a miracle no one had come to investigate the ruckus yet.

“O-Oh god, Danna…oh god!” Deidara whimpered into her partner’s chest, clawing at his upper back with the extra mouths scrunching his shirt between their teeth and wetting the fabric with the drool oozing from them. “I-I’m close. I’m so close!”

“Then for fuck’s sake just do it!” Sasori snapped back, more than ready to climax himself but couldn’t, not just yet. “You know I hate waiten, _brat!_ ” 

Finally, after added minute of haphazard bouncing on her end, she obtained her release and wailed into the junction of the man’s neck as her orgasm wracked her with convulsions and white-hot ecstasy. Sasori held her quaking body and continued fucking her until halfway through her climax where he was bitchslapped by his own. His head fell onto hers, and he wheezed into her hair as he pumped every ounce he had into her, a majority of which sept out into his sweatpants. Once done, both laid, panting and spent on the other.

“Oi…brat.” Sasori uttered after several minutes of awkward silence between them. Deidara picked her head up to stare at him through falling eyelids as she was fighting not to pass out from a combination of post-coitus exhaust and alcohol. “You’re shite at poker, you know that?”

She blinked at him, frowning. “I’m not shit, I just got shit hands because that Uchiha was dealing, hn!” Though, thinking on it now, maybe she was glad she hadn’t won a game. Otherwise, it may’ve not ended like this.

“Uh-huh. Well, we should play again, just the two of us. Maybe next time it could be…strip poker?” He gave her a trademark smirk and Deidara suddenly found herself hellbent on becoming a professional poker player.


End file.
